Do you want someone to take care of you?

“I want to be like a plant and worry about nothing while someone is taking care of me,"

my friend told me the other day.

She is in her 40’s, looking for true love, a relationship that is not a struggle. She wants to feel safe, loved, and respected. I have known her since we were twelve years old. She built and managed her business in a foreign country for twenty years. She is hardcore and doesn’t need anyone to support her financially, but emotionally, she is exhausted. I get it.

My father died when I was two, and my mom was battling depression during my entire childhood. Taking care of myself from a young age gave me the mindset that I could only count on myself. So, when my ex came with me to visit my father’s grave, and he promised him, looking up to the sky, that he would always take care of me, my heart melted.

It sounds romantic, doesn't it? Maybe I should add that it was a gloomy day, and after he said it, a ray of sunshine poked through the clouds. Just like in the movies. You know what the problem is? That life starts where romantic movies end.

Taking care of someone is not the same as caring about someone.

Wanting to be taken care of was a child's wish. I depended on him on so many levels! And some aspects of it became clear only after the divorce. Let me give you an example. Since I had credit cards in my name, I thought they were building my credit history throughout the years. You can imagine my surprise when I realized I had no credit history to pair with my excellent credit score. I couldn't lease an apartment on my own! And I know I am not the only stay home mom who got into this situation after divorce. I learned my lesson the hard way: an adult can and should take responsibility for her life. Financially and emotionally. When someone takes care of you, he is in control. No matter how deep your love is, this creates an unbalanced relationship, and you are always in debt. The situation shows its true nature once you try to do something for yourself, want to decide how to live your life; or when you simply disagree with him, especially if he has narcissistic tendencies. When someone cares about you, he wants you to thrive on your own, supports you in fulfilling your dreams, helps you to live up to your full potential, and doesn't ignore your feelings. Your goals are not diminished, and your ambitions are not ridiculed.

It's so easy to confuse the two at the beginning and if you do, it makes it incredibly difficult to leave when you decide to build YOUR life.

It takes time and inner work to find your path after prioritizing someone else. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate every little step towards the new YOU. If you need support how to become the protagonist of your life, create financial independence, and a healthy relationship, I am here for you.

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