Do the cha-cha like a sissy girl and dance away to a healthy relationship

I loved watching ballroom dance competitions as a kid. They were elegant, powerful, and ethereal. The women wore beautiful dresses, held themselves strong, and floated above the dancefloor as if they were weightless, fairylike creations. While waltz mesmerized me, jive became my favorite. I loved everything about this upbeat, energetic, and fun dance.

One day, not long after my separation, I was having lunch in a restaurant and started to chat with the father and daughter sitting next to my table. We talked about filmmaking, art, and Eastern Europe, where we were from. At some point, I mentioned that I loved ballroom dance and wished I had found a place to take private classes. I didn't feel like socializing; I just wanted to dance with a professional dancer and learn.

The daughter turned to me with a smile. "Google my dad. He is famous."

He was Victor Kanevsky, ballroom dancer, coach, and choreographer. His dance studio was a 5-minute drive away from where I lived! Have I told you that I don't believe in coincidences?

The next day, I bought the first—and probably the ugliest—pair of dance shoes I found and signed up for ten private classes. They helped me loosen up, made me laugh like never before—yes, even more than Steve Carell did in Bruce Almighty—and inspired me to reevaluate my relationships.

Everything my teacher said resonated with me on another level and made sense beyond the dancefloor.

Know your steps / You are equal partners.

It's a partnership. You both know what dance you are dancing, and both understand and follow the rules; otherwise, you will constantly step on each other's toes.

When you know what you want from a relationship and what makes you happy, choosing a partner who wants the same becomes essential.

Let him lead / It's okay if someone cares about you.

I must admit I had difficulties with this part at the beginning. Especially after my divorce, I didn't want any man to tell me what to do; thank you very much. But leading is not about controlling. It's about looking after you. As my teacher explained, the man sees the other couples dancing around and scans the area to decide which turn or move can be performed and how many steps they can take in each direction. It's his responsibility to make his partner look beautiful and flawless on the dancefloor.

"Taking care" is not the same as "care about"."Taking care" is condescending. When your partner cares about you, you thrive, and he is happy for your success.

Resist / Have boundaries.

You don't just fall into your partner's hand and let him do whatever he wishes. He is also not there to hold you. You resist and push against his palms to create a beautiful, powerful form. That's what gives energy to the performance.

You discover your power when you learn to say no to things that don't align with your values. Soon, it will be clear who loves you for who you are.

Keep your distance / Don't give yourself up to the relationship.

Remember Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing? "This is my space. That's your space. I don't go in yours; you don't come into mine."

We are individuals before being a couple and need to keep our own space in a relationship, just like on the dancefloor. Having your interests, hobbies, and circle of friends and spending quality time alone is part of a healthy relationship.

Be available / Be available.

My teacher told me he felt I didn't give myself 100% to the dance. I didn't dare to be playful and have fun with it. When you step on the dancefloor, you enter a different world. It's a game, a ritual, a fun, sometimes sensual relationship with your partner. You create a story together as you move to the rhythm of the music. You have to give yourself to it and enjoy it.

Start dating when you are ready when you don't have an emotional attachment to your past and won't drag your feelings towards your ex into your new relationship. If you want it to be real, you can't be in a relationship halfhearted.