Just a few years ago, I loved planning my day as I sipped my morning coffee, deciding on the way home about what I wanted to make for dinner or going on a last-minute trip. I didn't get why anyone would decide on a Sunday what to cook each day of the coming week, cook ahead of time and portion it out in the freezer, book their vacation a year in advance, or have a schedule as if they were back in school.
Spontaneous meant being fun and adventurous, and planning seemed limiting and boring. The truth is, I was wasting hours in the supermarket waiting for inspiration, spending hundreds of dollars more on plane tickets, and I went to sleep many nights feeling I didn't get the most out of my day. As I tried to find the best way to manage my time, I realized something.
Having a schedule doesn't tie you down; it gives you freedom. Because by planning what you have to do, you make time for what you want to do.
So, how did I go from being totally random to being organized? Step by step.
I started to build habits.
There are many ways to do it. I like gluing my habits together. You can start with one thing that is already part of your routine, attach the new habit to it, then the next, and so on.
This way, it's not about what time you wake up but what you do when you wake up.
For example, I always forgot to put on sunscreen before leaving the house. You can tell I didn't grow up in South Florida. But since I live here, putting sunscreen on my face was non-negotiable, yet easily forgettable. The solution was to add it to my morning routine.
First thing I do after I snooze my phone twice, is wash my face and scrape my tongue.
(You can read here why it's a good idea for you to do the same.)
Then I use a roller to massage my face. (This was an addition after I turned forty.)
After that, I go to the kitchen and have a cup of hot lemon water.
I placed the sunscreen next to the massaging roller so I didn't have to remember or look for it. Applying cream didn't require too much effort, so the resistance was fairly small. Still, it took a few weeks to do it without thinking.
Daily repetition helps to form a habit much faster. According to the myth, you need 21 days to establish it, but this study says it’s not true. Your success depends on the number of repetitions, the circumstances, and the task itself. Your commitment will be tested many times during the process.
Now let's talk about something more complex, than sun lotion application, like breaking habits such as
• always apologizing,
• explaining yourself after making a decision,
• or jumping to help whenever your ex needs it.
Have you caught yourself doing any of them? I did.
These habits are not as easy to break, first, you have to become conscious of them.
In a toxic relationship, you get used to apologizing for things that were not your fault or responsibility just to keep the peace. You'll carry this on with you long after the breakup. Somebody bumps into you on the street, and you apologize for being in the way. You find a hair in your food in a restaurant, and you apologize for not eating it.
Take responsibility for your mistakes, but pay attention when it's not your fault.
If you spent twenty years of your life pleasing your husband, catering to his needs, it became an automatic reaction to help him when he asks you to, even if he could do it on his own, even years after your divorce, even if he is remarried. He's used to it; you're used to it.
You need to rewire your brain and stop yourself from helping him.
"But it doesn't cost me anything," you say. I know. But it actually does. It doesn't let you move on. I am not saying that you have to be mean or deny basic decency, but you might need to reevaluate what you do for him and when to say no. For an empathetic person, this can be challenging.
It’s a struggle to form and keep new habits and eliminate old ones. The greater the change, the more time, effort, and commitment it takes. It’s good to have an accountability partner who encourages you and helps you stay on track.
If you're not sure where to start, I'm here to help you create a plan that fits your needs and provide you with the support you need along the way. Book your free discovery call HERE.
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